…or maybe it’s just the Portugese. Denver mayor John Hickenlooper is trying to put a stop to the city’s annual Columbus Day Parade (and Spoiled Vegetable Throwing Contest). I am not sure what all the hubbub is about though. I mean, what harm is there in allowing the Sons of Italy to march through empty downtown streets at the crack of dawn on Saturday, while the likes Glenn Morris, Russell Means, Chief Running Nutter Ward Churchill, and the rest of their native American cronies line the streets exchanging epithets with the parade participants and police? For crying out loud only 240 protesters were arrested at last years event; that is hardly a significant fraction of Denver’s total population my friends. Sounds like good clean family fun to me, why spoil it for everyone else?
Here are a couple of snippets from an email that Hickenlooper sent to leaders of both sides of the controversial event last week:
"Frankly, I am sick and tired of this entire costly, frustrating and potentially dangerous situation that does nothing but generate ill will."
"I am happy to help celebrate Italian heritage. A parade that inspires such community anguish does not achieve that goal. Most spectators avoid the parade, which winds down streets that are either empty or lined primarily with protesters and police."
He also said efforts to manage the annual controversy is "like beating one’s head against the wall."
For some reason, however; all he managed to do was piss off both sides.
I have a suggestion for the mayor of our fair city. Why not just give the Indians a small parcel of land down by Union Station – say across the street from your Wyncoop brew pub? Then they can build themselves a nice little casino as is their right as an oppressed people. But give it to them on the condition that they must allow the Sons of Italy to host spaghetti night every Wednesday and Sunday. Sounds like a win/win to me. Even the cops will get to keep their overtime pay.
Maybe they could call the place Mayor John’s Gaming Wigwam and Ristorante Italiano…